So I sit here Wednesday May 26th at 5:00 in the morning to start writing this, for I just pulled an all nighter due to the excessive writing of pages upon pages for essays that I have for the brain-frying time in life we call Finals. I throw the wonderful blessing the internet has given me of Pandora radio on and the blessing that THAT gives me of the John Mayer station and it gets me thinking about life.... Life, what am I doing with my life? What is going on in my life? How have I been living life? What's going to happen next for me in life? I am just so full of thoughts, and emotions, So I decide to sit here and write.
It has been one of those semesters....nay.... one of those years where I have looked at the major aspects in my life and I realized I have changed. I have changed as a human being, as a believer, as a man, as a son, as a brother, and as a friend. Id like to say Ive changed for the better, well I know I have changed for the better and matured but at the same time YES Ive made mistakes, made dumb choices, failed, sinned but those can not be the defining times in my life that shape me into this person which I live as today. For I have taken those and turned them into lessons of which Ive learned and grown from and prayed for forgiveness from. Im sure in the future I will make another mistake and sin, but thats because Im not perfect and I have been man enough to admit my struggles and mistakes. I have strived to never be someone who is fake or puts on a show to anyone, and maybe at times others may think and believe that, but I am Kyle and will always be Kyle straight up. And Kyle is someone who loves his family more then anything in the world, he has a place in his heart for everyone, who works to never judge anyone, who continues to have faith, who loves people, who continually strives to be the unique person he is. And I hope I am able to be someone who touches everyone's life, or leaves an impact, or memory, or a smile on their face because I truly love every single person I have been blessed to come in contact with and make friends with in my life. Im not writing this to boast about trying to say that Im this almighty, wonderful person but I am hear to write about what has been on my heart and what thoughts my emotions have been filled with and how things have been going in life.
Its weird to re-realize the amazing gift of each living breath I breathe and each heartbeat that my heart beats. All these thoughts coming to my heart because of the fact I am not returning to Biola next year, and It makes me sad and I can even feel my sadness in my heart because of how I have grown with love and from love from this place and now I must leave. Its a difficult choice of not returning, yet I know I am making a right choice that I feel I needed to make. I know there has been lots of options I believe I was doing like joining the Navy or trying to get a job down here close to Biola to still be around or even return in the spring semester. None of these options have final thoughts and answers...
A completely new experience for me being at this wonderful place called Biola, that now has a specific special place in my heart. We really do have our own world here and I love it. I love my floor Stipes and the brothers of whom I live on it with, I love my job at Common Grounds and the people I work with, I love eating pb and j's for every meal because the caf food is never consistently fulfilling to my taste-buds, I love the atmosphere and warm weather, I love the tall palm trees outside my dorm room, I love the presence and uniqueness each person has, I loved our sick room set-up with Captain Gilly my roommate, I loved basketball games and going crazy when David Cline gets a dunk, I loved how we had no "school-sponsered" dances yet had a dance team, dance competitions, and dance parties, I loved how us students of Biola take so much part in the Jerkin' dance movement, I loved the invention of Tool Tuesdays and Fist Pump Fridays with the guys, I loved Kyle Celinski's laugh that made everyone else laugh, I loved meeting with my RD once a week to talk about just life, I love the person I have been shaped into because of the amazing people which I have been blessed to be surround by, I love the fact that I have made some of the greatest memories in my life here and the list goes on and on. I LOVE the wonderful people here and I LOVE my friends. And all this in just a year, a quick year. A year where there have been lows in my life and a year where there has been highs in my life, but overall, my life is filled with blessings and Im so thankful.
I get asked a lot why am I not coming back to Biola.
Im not coming back not because I dont like this place.
Or because Im not a fan of the Bible minor, or open hours, or some community standards.
I wish I could spend my whole life around the people I have come across at Biola because they are some of the best and most genuine people I have ever been around and met. There is just this thing called LIFE that continues to happen, from one curve ball to the next.
The main reason I am not coming back is because I am going to take care of my family because they are my main priority in life and there has been lots of change going on and it has only been major blessings and words can describe how grateful and thankful I am for them. Another main reason is because there is financial issues, I know God is the provider and he will always provide but Im here to be with my family first and willing to sacrifice anything in order to be there for them.
Another reason is I am seeking a time to reflect on my life and put things strait in it. Now im not gonna become one with nature, smoke weed, grow my hair long and a thick beard, and try to think of the wisest things to say. I just need to get things strait with me, with God, with family, and with friends. Even though Im a 20 year old college student and should live the life of a college student, going through school, experiencing new things, meet a billion people, graduate and then find a job in the real world. But I want more then that.
Now as I turn the page to the next chapter of my life who knows what will come my way. I pray God brightens the light at the end of a tunnel for I feel to be surrounded by many. From now I will will be updating my blog more often, because It is summer and stories are bound to happen, and I am officially a college drop-out who will have nothing better to do for now, and who knows what Life brings next but I hope to share all that comes my way.
And to my time and experience at Biola, and to all the people of whom I met and shared time with I thank you greatly for being a blessing to me. I wish I could see every single person before we all leave for summer, but It wont be long till I visit to see everyone again.
