I'll first start off with the most special woman in my life, my mother. Anybody who knows me, knows how much my mother means to me. She is what keeps me going. Every single day. No matter how shitty of a day it may seem or if I am in a terrible mood, or upset, depressed, angry, frustrated, and so on... I just call her up on the phone and she answers, "Hey Broski!" Right then and there time just halts. How could I even be upset about anything when I see my mother who continually fights Multiple Sclerosis, is alive. Not only is she alive, she continually strives closer and closer to whooping this disease's ass while giving out a love that even God would envy.
Im about to share something that I have not really told anyone in my life. Not that I have chose to keep it away or anything, it just has not come up in deep conversations. But I write because it brings me an immense feeling of emotions and I only feel like I am doing just a part of my calling in order to share my life with others. Hopefully it brings the joy and strength or what ever some one else needs in order to deal with what they have going in life. To have time stand still just for 10 minutes as they read what I share. It is an magnificent obsession of mine. It is hard for me to even think back to what all happened, let alone sit here and write about the beginning of this long journey.
I remember when I was about five years old, my little sister Danyelle and I were hanging out in the office of my father's Karate school in South Lake Tahoe. It was another night to where my father was teaching his class while us, his kids, sat this class out and decided to hang out with mom in the office. During the day my mom and dad had bought Danyelle and I Kit Kat and Snickers candy bars and they were in the fridge in my dads office. My sister and I were sitting on the ground and my mom was sitting in my dad's black leather desk chair in front of the desk when we asked her if we could have the candy bars. She was just about to get them for us when the phone rang and she sat up to answer it. She grabbed the phone, sat down on the chair again and all of a sudden her face went blank. I remember looking at her and saying Mom? Mom? The phone then dropped from her ear and she began having a seizure, its actually called a grand mal seizure. She was shaking in the chair to which then she eventually fell out of and onto the ground and was convulsing even more. I quickly ran to the door and called for my dad to come over here. He said in just one minute, I begun crying and he knew something was wrong.
He came sprinting over into the room to find my mother on the ground in the middle of this seizure. To which now both my sister and I are crying and my father has got my mother up in his arms as he dials for an ambulance to come. As I dig into the depths of my memory, the last thing I remember are the flashing lights from the ambulance in the street through the Karate school's glass door entrance.
Being only five and my little sister at four, I thought that was the last time I was going to see my mother.
Now there is a long 20 years since then and she is still here. Even though she cussed out multiple doctors, even tried to fight some Im sure, she finally accepted the fact she had Multiple Sclerosis. She and our family have been battling non stop for her. She still never gives up and neither will we.
Now fast forward to lets... say... June 2014...
I love San Diego, obviously... And now my mother, father and littlest sister have moved down here as well. My dad has prayed for years for the move to happen in order for my mother to get down here to get treatment from one of the top Multiple Sclerosis programs in the country. It was a move that was going to literally squeeze us down to the last drop of life, but we still had one drop in order to keep going. My parents moved into a hotel room and lived there for three months. My father had given up everything in order to care for my mom. He took one giant leap of faith in order to be fully engulfed in this test. My dad gave up his job, sold and gave everything away from our house, and moved on down here to San Diego to completely start over.
There are so many moments, situations, and tests in life that are there to fine tune and sculpt you into the person you have been created to be. It was difficult for my parents to live in this little hotel room and for my littlest sister to sleep on a small cot in the corner all summer in the same room as my parents. My family was living of little to no money and only small amount of food that they could afford to keep in the room... God has a funny way of reassuring that he is still there and taking care of us. My father was denied from multiple places and apartments in order to move into. Finally, one day he spoke with a woman who had an available apartment in Point Loma just up the street from where they were staying in the hotel. Now this is how crazy the works of God are. The woman who was renting the place was from New York and her first cousins were Heidt's....Mind Blown. We have never met anyone that has had the last name we have and spell it the same way. Needless to say they were able to finally get this apartment and it was perfect for my parents and my mother. A very wide open apartment for my mom to easily push and cruise around in her wheel chair.
Sometimes it is difficult to ask for help. Very difficult. I do not know the answer why it is difficult but at times it just is. But it was something that needed to be done and the response was incredible. It still leaves me in awe of how much love we all possess and are able to share within each other.
There was a fundraiser website that myself and a bit help of my father were able to put together in order to raise money to help my mother and my family. We posted it on Facebook, because that is were the world can be reached, and within minutes donations, messages, and calls begun to pour in. The fundraiser reached it's halfway mark in a week and overall goal in two and a half weeks. AMAZING! The fundraiser didn't stop either, donations still continued to pour in not only from the fundraiser we set up online but also from the place I spend more time at then anywhere, my work.
My workplace put together a fundraiser for my family and I and they raised even more money. It was an overwhelming experience that so many people wanted to help our family. With both fundraisers coming in my parents were able to get settled into their apartment and it helped with food and some furniture. It also helped and still helps with the treatment for my mother. From her doctor visits at UCSD to her acupuncture, which has done THE most amazing life changing thing for my mother. Each week she goes to acupuncture two times and the doctor there has been shaping my mom up. He has taken away her dizziness, the pain in her legs, he has gotten my mom standing up straight and walking like a champion and so many other improvements. It is truly such an incredible sight to see. From the first day she was down here to now it is a 180 degree turn. All of the love from us and everyone keeps her going. Also my dad pushes her to not only be physically tough, for the better of course, but mentally tough. He is right by her side every step of the way...literally. He walks with my mom everywhere whether he is pushing her in her wheel chair or standing up walking next to her. Although Im sure my mother wants to just yell at my dad, she just yells at him anyway and continues to fight on. The man is a STUD. I am blessed to have such an amazing father to look up to.
I honestly do not know how to describe the feeling when you feel the love and presence of so many amazing people in our lives. I am a music fanatic, of course, but I can maybe believe it is a feeling of standing on a stage with a million people looking at you and as soon you start singing a song that you wrote and then they start singing along with you. You see the many people who believed in you and whom you love and all those people are staring at you signing the words to your song because they love you right back. The amount of people you have touched in your life coming back to have them touch you in the same emotionally intimate way. It's crazy. I am at loss for words.
We are blessed. We all are blessed, each in our own way. Even if it seems dark clouds are all around you there is still one light that will shine through and that is the light to focus on. Even the dark clouds can pour down rain for which the rain is a gift yet the light is the meaning, the purpose on to which you must stay focused on. The greatest gift is to give with no intentions of receiving something in return. It just makes the world a better place.
So thank you everyone who has helped us whether is was a donation or a prayer, it is greatly appreciated.
Now you may be asking yourself, "Why did he title this post, Steps in the Sand?!" The other day I walked down the beach. It was a warm day, sun was shinning as it always does. The top of my head was reflecting up the rays and I was just in this zone. I always get so caught up in thinking about my life. From where I started on the beach to where I was now was a long distant walk. I looked down at my feet, sand cuddling with my toes, and salt swimming its way up my feet and legs, and I look down the path I have walked. I notice my footsteps in certain areas in the sand that have been vanished away by the ocean magician. Then BAM! Life analogy hit me...
Look at where you are now...go ahead...look at where you are at now. You have come a long way from where you started. Wherever you are going, you started somewhere. Along that path there are steps you have had to take in order to reach where you are at now. When you look back at all these steps, some are washed away for a reason and some steps are deeper in the sand, or further up the wet sand not being washed away. The ones that have seemed to wash away, are washed away for a reason. You were there at one point but you have moved on. The deeper steps that are not washed away are aspects you can look back at but they wont be the same. And for the steps that are still visible in the sand are defining points in your life. The ones that have shaped you into the beautiful person you are today. You remember these steps. Whether they were lessons, experiences, life changing moments, major events, or just cherished memories they are still there for a reason and the ones that have been washed away have been washed away FOR A REASON.
"But like, I was like, walking in the water. So like my footsteps, like aren't there..."
-Well maybe stray away from the water and create, dream, make goals, strive for personal growth and improvement, whatever you'd like. Be in a place that you can see where you have come from and where you are at now and keep going forward.
"But like all my steps have like been washed away from, like the ocean..."
-Well there is your gift, A clean slate to create what you want and leave new steps in your own life and the lives of others.
This is where I am. And that is where I am going.
Just keep going.
I can't thank everyone enough for the love they have showed my family. The fundraiser is open for 14 more days and it will end on my mother's birthday, and here is the last time I will post the Fundraiser
And thank you for reading, I love writing. I have been working on another one and I will post that one soon called Never Wake Up From Your Dreams. Much love, blessed and be blessed.
