I could just go on writing out my opinions, things that piss me off (which I rarely show my anger towards something), things that I think are disheartening in our society, the way mainstream media and news ruins the image of life and blah blah, blah blah blah stupid. I could write a whole new post about it but I'll save it for now.
I do want to tell of a struggle I continue to work past everyday. I previously wrote that how moving to San Diego was a lot more difficult then I hyped it out to be. I am not speaking of how I physically had to move all my shit 400 miles away, deal with finding an apartment, a job, a car and on and on. It was most difficult because I spent so much time by myself. Which at first lead me into being depressed, upset, questioning what I was doing and almost giving up on myself, calling it quits and moving back to Reno and doing the same thing I always did there.
THEN I work up one day, as usual, stumbled to the bathroom, admired how great my hair looked and then looked at myself in the mirror (super cliche I know) but I did. I just said to myself. Looking right through my own eyes and told myself, "You look like a bitch Kyle. Stop being such a baby back bitch." Pretty funny, I know, but I was serious with myself. It was a personal pep talk and intervention with myself.
Not only was I talking about my scrawny body that hadn't beaten the hell out of the gym in a couple weeks, but I was talking about not being mentally tough. I needed to make a change for myself in order to pick my self up and pull myself up as if I did a thousand pull-ups hanging from the edge of a cliff and the only way to make it back up safe was to do just one more.
Then I did. I pulled my baby back bitch self up from hanging off that cliff and decided to make a change. A lifestyle change, a mental change, and a physical change and damn did it feel great. Not to mention, my daily listening to a CT Fletcher motivational video, got my ass up quick in order to make a change and do it with meaning and a purpose. Give it a listen, if you're offended by his swearing, I don't care. Someone or something needs to tell how it is and give you a punch in the face and kick in the ass in order for you to dig deep and find what drives you. Develop a mental game that will make you unstoppable with moving forward towards your dreams and creating a life filled with your passions.
Since I have picked myself up from hanging off that cliff, I have been working my gluteus maximus off in order to continue to move forward.
At work...I bar-back for my restaurant,which is three stories, four nights out of the six nights a week I work. It's no easy task and the body takes a beating, no doubt. From carring 80lbs of bottles, up two flights of stairs to stock the fridges on the top level, running around like a mad man on busy nights tending to both bars, squatting down, stocking the alcohol walk ins at the bottom level, to bringing up buckets of ice, it is a demanding position and you got to be in shape. I don't walk up the stairs either, I sprint, with the alcohol tub. Shits cray. I have work to do and it needs to be done fast and done well. My hard work has been paying off for I have been already training for bar tending. A promotion and a step forward and learning about wines and drinks have become a small passion for me. A step forward to achieving something great.
At the gym... I used to consider myself as a Brotégé, as Dom Mazzetti ranks on his Evolution of a Lifting Man. Sure I would lift and hit the gym all week. Only to drink, eat like crap and do nothing to care for the machine over the weekend. I got sick of seeing minimal results and wanted to become a fully committed fitness dude-bro-guy-man freak. Now I have moved up to a solid Gym Rat. I have a strict workout routine, eat super healthy (except for my cheat meals), follow a fitness life and live a fitness life. Before really getting into this fitness lifestyle I was clocked in at 160lbs on a good day, still skinny and small and semi-decently strong. Since I have been working hard every week from the start of June when I decided to make a change, Ive slapped on 13lbs of meat and muscle. Out grew all my pants except two, became wicked stronger, and have had weight lifting change my life and shaping me into a mentally and physically stronger person, and I have no time for stopping. I want to be 200+lbs but not a cloud just a solid rock with sharp edges. Be a part of the 1,000lb club having my bench, squat, and dead lift max total up to 1,000lbs, about 200lbs more to go. Get back to dunking a basketball and be a great athlete again just for myself. Prove nothing to anybody, but prove everything to myself that I CAN do it. It's my dream to do it.
I want to share one thing I have started doing at the gym that has helped me tremendously. Leg day for me is Friday. Do I love leg day. After a long week, getting ready for a longer work filled weekend, no better way to start it off by kicking my own ass in the gym. Anyway, this it what I have been doing that has helped me mentally and also physically...but it is meant for a more mental toughness. I'll do my squat work out and go till I can barley do the last couple reps on the last set. SO legs are just pure jello. I will then throw on as much more weight as I can as if I was going to work for a max rep, knowing mentally that I can maybe squat out one rep. After I throw the extra heavy weight on, I write down two list of three things that I have been either frustrated with, stressed over, influenced negatively, anything that you believe you need to get out of your life, to over come or something that you feel has been holding you down. I then stand under that bar, lift it off and go. With each squat I look down at the first thing I wrote, say it to myself, and then look up and with all my might I push to stand back up releasing that negative aspect from my mind. I do that for each of the things I have written down and don't stop till I have squatted all of the negativity out. Also instead of doing on rep, which I thought I would only be able to do, I get three reps. It feels great, refreshing and builds character.
At life...Although I am beautifully attached to life right now I still continue to strive forward and will never settle for less in the blueprint that God has for my life.
Fletchmister and I have moved out of our apartment in Pacific Beach, and us two and a few other buddies hit gold on this new house. It is a tad bit inland, only 15 minutes, but an amazing house. Pool, movie theater, man cave and not to mention furnished any way we wanted it. I was able to get a whole bedroom set an actually have a furnished room instead of my bed on a box spring on the floor with a desk and chair, maybe a few paintings to add volume, broke college kid room. The door is always open to whomever needs a mini vacation at our resort, the Thaj Mahal as we call it.
I guess I should tell you that I have completed my last Core Humanities class finally. It was a pain in my ass, of course, but Its done! Now I can finally get the degree in the mail and officially be completed with college. Took me long enough, and cant wait to start paying back the student loans for a degree that really means nothing, yet a goal I am very proud that I have reached and of course, paid for. College was a marathon where you start out with a strong but steady pace but finished even stronger with a all you got left sprint. Except my marathon was extended and during that last few miles I decided to, I don't know, maybe walk a few miles, stop at some bars on the way, play in the sand, pre-post rebel college BS until I decided to hop back on course and casually jog to the finish, but I finished. Ill write another post about college soon called Write That Down.
I miss the hell out of my friends everywhere. My roommates now all grew up together and have been best friends since who knows how long. As I enjoy lots of time by myself, with my dog, and with this wonderful woman that I have been blessed with and very grateful for, who we will write more about later!
Now for some deepness...Thoughts that make you think about what you think and why did you think that when you thought that and how you act towards the way you act after how you just acted, got it?
I sit in the same place I write most of my posts now, on top of my bed, Im listening to Explosions in the Sky and continuing asking myself random questions that just fire different responses from my brain.
This girl I work with goes around asking, What are you doing with your life? She insists everyone has something great to prove and do. Most of the time she hates being there and can't wait for her "real job" to take off. I look at her now, she works seven days a week, always seems so stressed out, waiting for some change to take place, complaining that she can't wait to get out of the restaurant industry and so on. She reflects that working in a restaurant wont bring that level of success people want to reach or bring that sort of happiness people pursue or allow a fulfilling life. I give her credit, she works hard, works a lot, maybe this isn't meant for her, yet she does the job and does it well and she is working towards another job. But always continues to say, Don't you want to get out of here? What are you gonna do with your life?
I see the same reflection in so many of the people I work with, not all, but lots. They just absolutely love to complain about what is so wrong with their life or complain about the littlest things. It drive me nuts internally for about two seconds and then I continue on because negativity is wasted energy. Sure we have assholes that come in and make the work night that much more of a pain, that we have to do a few more extra actions for this high maintenance person or deal with their complaints that they could not get a window seat when they didn't make reservations on a Saturday with 350+ reservations already. When really maybe their life just sucks, they make their life shitty. Who knows the kind of battle they are in but why have it ruin your day?
Happiness is a choice, If you want to be happy, then well...... be happy. If you are unhappy with a situation you are in, make a change and work hard to make those changes. Don't give me this bullshit of waiting to see how things work out in order to make some changes, do what the heck you want to do right now and make those changes yourself! Seek the things that make you feel wonderful. Fuel your passion. Do what it takes in order to get there. Put in your dues and make sacrifices and understand that there is no easy way, it takes hard grit work. It is a essential choice and shift in mindset that will change you forever no matter what the circumstance are. If you turn it around and focus on the positive vibes, positive things will happen. I always tell myself, it could be worse so be grateful that its not. I am no perfectly happy happy joy joy man. I'm still human and sometimes want to either knock someone out, maybe just give them a hug, or simply just need a hug myself. But I work hard to stay moving forward with the right mindset, strong faith, and love.
SO she asks, What exactly do I want to do with my life? I don't know. Who really knows EXACTLY what they want to do with their life? Life would be so boring if you only focused on one goal because you know exactly what you think your here to do and want to do. Or you will be so caught up in what you want with your life that you will block out the best things in life such as friendships, love, experiences, risks, teachings, . My father always tells me, "Work hard to get to the top, but dont leave others behind you because then it will be lonely at the top, bring others up with you."
If you do seem like you know what you want to do, great, but what happens when you get there? Then what? You're probably thinking Ill deal with that when the time comes...but thank you for just proving my point again. Ahhh, so you don't know exactly what you want to do with your life... And life never goes according to your plan, it goes according to God's plan for you. Personally, sure I want to be successful, own this and that, have a family, travel here and there, experience this or that. I used to keep telling myself, Man if I just had the money to travel around the world, give out all my money to help people around the world and create this magnificent life by always changing the lives of others, life will be just so much better.
Well, reality check you little bitch, Kyle. You don't have all the money in the world! So accept what you do have, work with it. Do what makes you happy and by doing THAT, it will attract the right people to come into your life to which they will change your life and you will change theirs. Damnit, life is supposed to bitch slap you in the face and say wake up or throw a mean hook and knock you out. But guess what, you aint dead...
With all that being said, the point of that is, Yes I am happy with where I am at in life. I enjoy working at a restaurant, a restaurant with so many opportunities. I set goals to reach daily, monthly, yearly and so on. Once I reach those goals, I continue to set new ones. I sit back and look at my life and see what I need and what I don't need. Sometimes it is difficult to let go of something or someone. Once you do, you receive the "gifts" that have been waiting for you there all a long that is meant to change your life. You are in the position you are in for a reason, embrace that reason and learn from it, grow from it, become a better person.
A new year is approaching and no better way to work towards shifting a mindset in order to better yourself. Hey, I just speak what is on my heart and what I work towards doing. If you take it as a lecture go ahead. If you take it as a lesson, Im grateful and I am with you all along this path as we both move forward on together in life. You dont need a new year to make a change, make a change when you like. But I hope you do it for the betterment of yourself. I know it is easier said than done. Time is the greatest sculptor of all, so allow it to work.
I have been in San Diego for almost a year now. To think where I was when I first moved here to where I am at now is an incredible journey in only a short period of time. It may seem that there is only one season of San Diego weather, I went through four season in my life. It is crazy to think about it, and I blow my own mind when I do. I am very grateful for everything. Thank you for reading my posts it means the world to me. I am trying to expand my posts to lots of different writings, so tell me what you, the reader, would like for me to write about and I will search for insperation to write more and more post. For now, I have began my college years post and working on that.
Much love and Merry Christmas from the Heidt Family.
Although we are all scattered, I love this picture with the city in the background
