A Moment Away

It's Christmas Eve.

I woke up today and I am very grateful. I put my two feet on the ground. As I put down my right foot down I say, "Thank." As I put down my left foot down I say, "You."

I woke up in my bed, with covers, in an apartment, with a roof and heat. With a kitchen that has water and food. With a pot that makes coffee. With a table to eat at. With a speaker to play music. With books to read and eyes to read them. I can walk. I can hear. I am healthy. My heart beats. The sun rose today and God gave me another opportunity to live. Man--It is crazy, I can not put it into words, well I am trying, but I cant even begin to describe how I feel right now. SO I decided to write and ramble. Maybe you will feel what Im feeling and we can connect.

I am grateful enough to bring me to tears. Even after a mediocre gym session, I come home, sit and emotions take over. I instantly started thanking God and then my eyes started to sweat.

There is an overwhelming amount of people who are begging and praying to God to be in the position that I am in right now. I don't say or mean that in a Im better than anyone kind of way, I say that with conviction and humility. Why do I deserve this life? How can I be so selfish at times? What did I do in order to receive this kind of love? Its truly humbling when you actually think about everything you have. Even if you have the technology to read this you are still in the top percentile of the world population.

I am grateful and these emotions have gotten to me the past few days because it is almost a whole new year. And looking back a year ago today, who knew my life was a moment away from changing.

A year ago today, I was with my family. I was blessed enough to make it safely home as I drove through the Sierra Nevada mountains, in a Scion tC, with some chains, in a white out blizzard in order to make it to them. I love my family. I would do anything for them. Anything. It is hard to describe that type of love. If anyone of them needed a heart to live, I would give mine. It's not perfect but its real.

A year ago, I was a few days away from traveling half way around the world to a beautiful unfamiliar country. Never have I been that far away from home, yet I felt as if I was at home because of who I was traveling with. Also the excitement that filled me and the joy of knowing my eyes where going to be opened to a whole new part of the world and a whole new perspective to a way of life.

A year ago, I was about to wake up with my family on Christmas day. Which is a moment that lately, in recent years, I have not been able to experience. It is special anytime I am able to wake up in my parents house and share some coffee with my mom and dad. To wake my littlest, not so little now, 17 year old sister from her teenage sleep. And to lay with my dog, Kada, as she puts her arm around me while I lay next to her and rub her belly.

A year ago, I was at a point in my life where I felt that the next year of 2016 was going to be the best year of my life. So many opportunities, so much love, so much life to be lived, so much life that was about to be started.

A year ago and a few days added---December 31st.

I was standing on an island in the middle of the Gulf of Thailand with two people with whom I love and loved dearly. Our beach bungalow was behind us. In front of us the ocean. It seemed as if we had the beach to ourselves. My feet cuddled with the sand. I was wearing a ridiculous patterned Hawaiian shirt. Fireworks blasting and surrounding us around the bay. Light lanterns filled the sky and floated above us as they replicated the stars above us. I was standing in one of the happiest moments of my life. It's difficult to even write about it--- seriously difficult to go back to that time in my mind, but at that time and moment I was incredibly happy and in love with my life. That moment I knew a few things. I am incredibly loved. Two, I am incredibly in love. Three, through live's ups and downs there are moments that outshine the darkest of days and toughest of days that life throws at us.

There I was standing in that moment. That was a feeling that will never go away. A moment that will never go away.

A few minutes passed and then a new year started.

This year was the toughest year I have experienced. Yet it flew by.  Looking back at the last few days of the year in 2015 to now in 2016, my life was just a moment away from changing. Now thats all it feels like, a moment.

LIFE. It changes in an instant. It changes without any warning. It doesn't make an appointment for change and let you know. It just shows up and punches you. As if life is a group of strangers in the light or dark and they come and jump you and beat the absolute life out of you. Life is a moment away from changing who you are in order for you to become who you were called to be. Its not easy. Change is one of the things us as human avoid the most and usually at all cost. But once the change occurs and you embrace it and choose to grow, your life will become so much better. I promise I can tell you from experience.

Now, out of all the life changing events that have happened this past year from pain and heartbreak to joy and happiness, I would not trade what I have now with what I had then. As a believer, as a man, a lover, a son, a friend, as a brother. What God continually does with me and changing me has brought me so far along it would not be worth it to return to the old me. You shouldn't return to the old you. Rise up.

"I did not rise because I am strong. I rose because I have a purpose stronger than all of my weaknesses."

I was right about 2016---so much life to be started. A new life begun for me. A new chapter.
2017 I'm ready.

Season of Revival

Close your eyes.
Feel your heart beat an never ending drum.
Feel your lungs fill your body with air from the heavens.
Listen to the world as it plays a never ending concert to your ears.
Feel your presence. Focus on the presence inside of you.
Feel the love that plays melodies to your soul.
Take a moment to realize you are alive.
You are alive.

I am alive.

Finally, I feel it in my heart again that I am alive. Truly alive. Existing in the present. Enjoying the moment. Living by the second.

Sometimes I even lay in my bed, close my eyes, smile, put my hands on my heart, and just feel life beating throughout me. It is actually incredible to think an organ the size of my fist is my control center of life.

I traveled through a Valley in my life where life as I knew it completely changed. Now, I have come to understand that I have went through a REVIVAL.

It has been a process I have went through that has built me back up. Although I know I am not at a complete destination I want to reach, I understand it is a journey that I am on. Through this journey, I went through a defining moment to put me where I am at now.

What is REVIVAL? Ive heard you can't have a true revival unless something dies. Though I did not physically die, man did I feel like I did. My relationship was dead. My way of life felt dead. That question and feeling of I'm not going to make it through. Little did I know how dead I was before life changed. My thoughts finally shifted to how can I make it through this. Thats where revival began to take place in my life. It was time to embrace the pain of recovery and move forward out of that valley and onto the mountain!

It first started when I woke up that morning after I knew my life had changed and God was pulling me back to where I belonged. It was as if he pulled me by my feet off my bed and onto the ground. He picked me up, dressed me up, brushed my teeth, combed my hair and drove me to where I have been pushing away now for so long. Church. A place I grew up in, where I used to be rooted, where I used to love to be. Until my selfish ways took over. Now I was back at square one. That's where my revival begun. I found myself where I knew I should have been the whole time.

Through this revival a new me and a new life has been grown. But Revival is not just a rebuilding process or regrowing season. It is not just a personal renewal or reloading of life. It is not only a healing of wounds. It is not just coming out as this brand new person. I believe that Revival is also a season of reintroductions as well. A few reintroductions that I definitely needed.

First, going through revival, God reintroduced himself to me.
He was the one who used me in my brokenness and brought people into my life who I have been praying for. He took away what I thought I wanted and started giving me what I needed. He was the one who lead me to the right people and the right places. He was the one that woke me up and said "HELLO! Im here for you!" and he has provided more then I have ever known.

Second, going through revival, I was reintroduced to myself.
Never have I felt more lost in my life. I had no idea who I was. My identity was shattered. My confidence was shot. BUT GOD, in all my brokenness, in all my misery, in all my pain used me and fixed me and rebuilt me into a new man. Extreme soul searching was conducted. I mean extreme! I figured out my strengths, my personality type and spiritual gifts. I forgot I had this power in me. I understood my purpose. I am a product that will never be finished but will always be in the process of sharpening. My identity was there all along. I needed to meet myself. I knew who I was I just needed to find that out again.


This is a journey of my revival and how God reshaped me in order to help others and how we can make it through life together. Some of the greatest lessons in life come through the most challenging seasons. I figured if I was gonna go through all this pain, what in the world can I come out of it with? If I was going to suffer to the lengths I suffered, I might as well leave with something! This is what I left with...


A Revived Me

Through this revival I needed to walk down the path of self discovery. In order to make some massive changes in my life I needed to figure out more about myself.

I realized my first problem. I was so rooted into someone else that I had no roots in myself and mushroom roots into God. I needed to have oak tree roots in God and have my beliefs rooted in myself. I needed to belief in myself. How can I be rooted more in God and believe in myself? 

I did not have my own individual foundation. I did not understand my purpose. I had a foundation of a sand castle that kept being washed away when high tide came. I needed concrete poured into the solid earth and make my foundation. How can I pour this concrete to repave this new foundation in my life? What on Earth am I here for? What on Earth am I here to do?

I did not know who I truly was. I had been lying to myself about who I am since who knows when. I needed to search my self to the deepest places in my heart and soul and know my true identity. Self discovery was just a destination I never made it to.  How can I learn more about myself and reflect on who I know I really am? What has happened throughout my life that has lead me to this identity crisis right now?

I had limited beliefs that I had not broken through. I had walls that I had not broken down and built a prison around myself with my own hands. I had a heart that may have been good, but I had habits that were bad. I needed to be on a platform and not in a prison. I needed to know the truth about myself and eventually the truth would set me free. How can I break out from these walls and prison and onto a platform with unlimited potential and power? How can I soften my heart and break this bad habits?

Where did my self discovery begin? Where my comfort zone ended.

From day one till now as I write this blog I have spent many hours alone in my room. At first, it was torture. Instantly as life shifted, the feeling of being comfortable crumbled. The thought of who I would never be without anymore was all of a sudden gone. That made me very uncomfortable. My thoughts and plans for the future were burned. That left me very uneasy. I didn't like the uncertainty. The first person I wanted to call when something amazing was happening was no longer there. The first person I wanted to call if something difficult was happening was no longer there. I didn't even like my new job. I was very uncomfortable because I was only doing it to take up my time and not because I truly enjoyed it. All this being uncomfortable was just the beginning of self discovery. Until I made changes and embraced it.

Now, I have taken steps of faith and put my faith into action. Growing my roots back deep into God, with so much more to grow and go. I've reestablished my foundation in Christ and God and as an individual Christian man. I know who I am! I broke through those walls, I destroyed my prison. I absolutely demolished my limiting beliefs and know the power I have in me through God to reach each and every one of my goals and have this amazing life. I have a "Why" that wakes me up in the mornings now and gives me energy to go for the whole day and night. I have been conditioning myself to become the person I want to be and reach the levels of life I want to reach. It is being, before doing! This is my revival! I am comfortable with being uncomfortable. That is key! 

I found myself. I now understand that self discovery was not a place I needed to arrive at, but a journey that I will continually be going through. It is something I should be doing through my whole life. It never ends. The willingness to grow is a choice. I have to make in order to continue to reach my potential. At this moment, I am not going to be the same person five or ten years from now, let alone even tomorrow. I want to grow each day. I even have to wake up earlier in order to get more reading, writing and my new way of life in! What has happened IN me is so much greater then what has happened TO me. 

Lastly, I have been humbled. Greatly. This revived me or new me, is really not even about me. God wants to use me and work through me to reach more people. Although trying to comprehend all that he is doing and how he is doing it is a bit frustrating at times but thats where faith comes in. What He has been doing in my life is not to just protect me and give me peace and gift me with righteousness, happiness, and love, which he continually does. He wants me to be a carrier of his love, his good news, his wisdom, his grace, his forgiveness and his happiness to everyone in my world to the best of my ability. What I am apart of is SO much bigger than myself.

In the end, I know I'm not where I should be and I'm damn sure I'm not where I used to be and that progress is something worth being grateful for. I have a life I get to create. I have a purpose I get to fill. That gets me excited!

The world says, "If I see it, then I'll believe it."
I say, "If I believe it, then I will see it."



Enough about me, now you-


A Revived You

Maybe you just went through a tough season, maybe you are looking for a break through. Maybe you are just stuck at a point in your life where you do not know where life is taking you. A plateau. Maybe you don't believe what I believe, but I can tell you that God has got your back and he loves you. Your time is right now to make a decision to move forward into the life you want. Your destiny can and will be greater than your history.

There is only so much a blog post on the internet can do for you. With the knowledge you have, what kind of action can you take? I promise you everything you want in life and want to achieve in life is waiting for you to come and take it.

In reality, right now you are sitting in an outcome of your choices and your actions. Maybe a good situation, or maybe not? Maybe you are stuck so deep in your past that a revival is waiting to happen you just haven't shown up for the appointment yet. Thats exactly where the enemy or in my case, the devil, wants to keep us. The past. Im sure you have heard it before, you can not to anything about the past but everything about the future. "The past does not equal the future unless you live there."

There are things that are out side of your control. But you can not build a monument of it and dwell on it. Move forward. You have to deal with whatever has happened in your yesterday, today. If you don't, there will be no tomorrow. Or your past will come into the present and destroy your future. Deal with it now, feel it in your heart and let it go. Most people exist in today, but still live in yesterday and they never step into the tomorrow that God has for them. Step into the tomorrow that God has for you.

Start a revival right now. What in your life needs a revival? Are you like me and need a personal revival? Spiritual revival? Or do you need to bring back something you use to love and cherish? What in your life makes you come alive? What stirs your heart? Stop waiting for the things to be perfect or in order in your life and take that action right now. Stop waiting on a move of God because you ARE a move of God.

Your problems serve a purpose. It is difficult to grasp that especially when it is right in your face, I know. Understand that sometimes the most loving thing God can do is have you go through something difficult. Who he is creating in you is someone who will change the world. He will REVIVE you to become who you are supposed to become. Just go. There are times, many times, where we are guilty of viewing the challenges ahead of us in our future as the sunsets of life rather than looking at them as a sunrise of a bright new opportunity. Step into that opportunity, watch that sunrise.

If you are alone and feel more alone then ever, like I did, pray for people to come into your life that are there to encourage you and believe in you. You need those people and I promise they will come. They came for me. I know if God did that for me, he can do it for you. There are very few choices that are gonna impact the outcome of your life more than the people who you choose to do life with. If you don't know who, how or where to start, you can start with me, I believe in you. Even if I don't know you, I believe in you. I know the unfathomable power God has and what he can do for you. If you want to start somewhere, start with me. :) Hello! Lets start a conversation.

Most importantly,
Be yourself. Don't try to be somebody else. If your lost, come back and search for what is in your heart, in your heart, that is who you are. The devil can tie up your mind but he cant tie up your heart. No outside influence can tell you how you should be, when you know how you are. Your dreams are for you. If someone else thinks that your dreams are crazy or impossible, understand that your dreams are not theirs. Focus on your dreams and go for them. God made you for a purpose and he made you for a plan. There is nobody who can be you except you. Be 100% you and own it! Start your revival now!

The Valley

A reoccurring life theme that we all deal with has presented itself head on to me these past few months. PAIN.

Lets back track a little bit to when I was a youngin...

I lost my best friend to a freak accident in the ocean when I was 11 years-old. My best best friend. I spent countless days at his dad's hotel that he owned or his mother's house. We played on the same baseball team and soccer team. His dad was always taking him, his little brother and myself to countless little league games, soccer tournaments, and to destinations that were usually filled with Barry Bonds hitting home runs or our hair (yes I had hair once, a beautiful bowl cut actually) being crazy from stepping off the countless rollercoasters we went on. We even tried to call the President once because we heard we could call anyone if we dialed the operator on the phone. There would be time periods where my dad would call and see if I still wanted to live at home because I was always staying at his house. Basically there was a rare occasion to which we did not spend a weekend or weeknight without each other.

I remember hearing about the accident from a friend I played baseball with at my new school. I even remember where I was sitting in my Spanish class in 8th grade with my desk on the left side of the room with my back to the wall, leaning back on two legs of the chair, and came my friend came over and told me. I didn't expect for it to be real. I just spoke with my best friend a week back and he was going out of town for a basketball tournament in Mendocino, CA. Our time together lessened because I had moved away from Lake Tahoe down to Minden which was only a solid 25 minute drive down the mountain. But we still kept in contact. We both shared many mutual friends from all the sports we played.

When I returned home that day from school I mentioned to my father what I heard. I then called up to my best friend's dad's hotel, The Thunderbird Lodge, that he owned only to have his little brother answer the phone crying and there I knew it was real. My father drove me up to Tahoe that evening to see his brother and his dad and we all sat together crying. I remember everything from the colored furniture to where the front desk was, the vending machine, the TV, the magazines on the glass table by the chairs and his dad in his back office. Everything.

I was heartbroken. I was lost. I was confused. I wanted to know why and how. I couldn't grasp the fact that a person who I spent so much time with and was excited to grow up with could just be gone. That was it. Countless nights I cried until my eyes were so dry and red, it was like I ran out of tears. Countless times my new friends at my new school asked me if I was okay. Countless times I asked my dad how and why did this happen. How could this happen when I was only 11 years old? I thought parents are supposed to pass when they get old, then we pass when we get old. Not my best friend who is my age. That didn't make sense.

To this day, I shoot a free throw the same way I have since the day I attended his funeral and played in my 8th grade school basketball game. I toss the ball out, four dribbles (cause he was number 4 in basketball), I take a deep breath, bend my knees and shoot.

This was real pain. The pain that hurts worse than getting a strawberry on my butt from slide tackling in soccer. Worse than breaking my wrist from snowboarding. Worse than getting beamed with a baseball while standing at the plate. Worse than being knocked out and concussed from ice skating. This pain was in my heart. This pain affected my being. This pain affected the way I would walk through out the rest of my life.

Now fast forward to present tense. Me. Here. Now.

Since the time I lost my best friend till now, I have lost many friends. It is a tough but true statement. All to which hurt me deep inside. To a certain extent I feel numb to it now. I have been strengthen to endure that kind of pain. I have been strengthened to accept that kind of pain. I have been strengthened to grow from that kind of pain. I have been shown how precious life is and grateful for each day that I am able to wake up. Most importantly I have gone through that Valley to help someone else go through their Valley.

Now there has been a new pain. A pain I never made myself available for, because I was a punk immature dude who loved Jack Daniels more than the opportunity to love another person. I was so far wondered off my path and I was like that until almost two years ago. I finally opened up, trusted and loved. For the first time in my life I truly went all in. The best I could. I actually fell in love and told another woman other then my mother, sisters and grandmas that I loved her. Where did all this new pain come from? A relationship break up...

Before I get into any of this I want everyone who reads this to know this. Things happen. Life changes. Life isn't fair. God is a sovereign God. Things happen for a reason. I had a hard time understanding and accepting that but I have. I loved that woman with all of my heart and soul. To this day and on I want only the things that make her happy and the best for her. She will always have her little spot in my heart. There is no sense in trying to tear her down or my life down for reasons that are out of my control. God is in control PERIOD

It may not seem like such a big deal. A relationship break up?
Come on Kyle, your stronger then that.
All of this pain over a girl... A GIRL? Come on Kyle, man up.
There is plenty of fish in the sea Kyle, don't be so caught up over this one.
It is just a break up, dude. Bounce back, its no big deal.

But it was a big deal. The pain and hardship was very very real.

Many have maybe already experienced this kind of pain but for me, It was brand new. Brand spankin' new. There was multiple times where I couldn't figure out why it hurt so bad. It seemed like something so small yet the impact it made on me was life changing. I even thought it shouldn't even matter much because there are worse things that could happen. Yet I was broken the worse I have ever been broken. So it is valid in my story, my journey, my testimony. It is valid in my walk of life. It is valid as being used into shape me into a completely new man. It is valid for me in learning a lesson, gaining the wisdom, and moving forward. It is valid for me to go through this Valley in order to help someone else go through their Valley.

This new pain. A pain that struck me where I have never been struck and beat me up like Ive never been beat up. A new pain to which put me into this whirlwind of emotions, growing, searching, learning and testing of my faith. I want to not get into the factor of my relationship split but more of the broad topic of going through pain and walking through that valley. I only want to share what I experienced, what Ive learned, the wisdom Ive gained, the perseverance I had, and the path I chose to walk. In order to maybe help you get through a Valley in your life.

One of my favorite versus these past few months has been Psalms 23. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I know who is walking me through it. Who is helping me through it. Who is building me through it. That is Jesus. Key word in that verse is WALK. I thought I was setting up camp and living in this valley, then Jesus came along and tore my tent down, picked me up, and walked with me through it.

All my life I had been a "Christian." I was raised in a Christian family. I went to church camp. I went to Sunday school and youth group. I eventually found myself so far wandered off the path that God had to literally break me in order to pick me up and carry me back onto my path. Just as a Shepard does with his sheep if it continually wanders away from the path. Yes, the Shepard literally breaks the sheep's leg so that he, THE SHEPARD, can pick it up and care for it as he heals it and puts it back into his path. Psalms 23 again, The Lord is my Shepard...

My roots were that of a weed in the driveway that could easily be picked up and tossed to the side. I was selfish. I loved for my own fulfillment. God was ONE of my priorities and not THE priority. I loved God but I also loved the desires I wanted. I have seen the great things God has done in my life and I am so grateful that I have learned so much growing up and seeing him at work in my family's lives and my life. This experienced just opened up my eyes even more.

All my healing, all my comfort, all my grief turning to joy has come through him. It's incredible the journey that starts to unfold when you let go and believe in him. This valley was a true big test to my faith. Endless nights crying to where I couldn't breathe because of all the snot that clogged up my nose and telling God that I needed him more then ever. He picked me up. He helped me to only come out stronger and more on fire. It's fascinating. Reshaping the way I think. Rebuilding my heart. Rebuilding my core and foundation to which I was built upon my whole life. Completely rewiring my control center of my mind and my heart.

I can tell you this. As I have worked to overcome this adversity and this pain, my whole life has changed. Everything in me has changed. A major shift in my own continental divide. A paradigm shift of my life. The love I have and joyful feelings have come from him and his word. All the little tiny reminders each day that lets me know he was there helping me. It is actually quite funny looking at the way he worked and works in my life. It's also incredible.

Although even now at times, I still find myself a slave of my own desires. The things that I want, the person that I want. Possibly I will find myself giving into those desires that I know I ultimately do not want and they are not truly who I am. But guess what? I am human. I am not perfect. I am broken. I am a fragment and frail. When having someone next to you for so long and all of a sudden they are gone, its easy to resort to things or some other person to fill that void, to numb that pain. I even at times lost what mattered most while going through that valley. I was alone and thought she was the one that filled that need. When really Jesus is the one that can and did fill that need. Do not be so dependent of another person to complete you. Be completed in Jesus and have that other person add to you just as you add to them. It is easy to give into those temptations and I still find myself wondering how can I continue to resist them. I just know the greatness that is still to come. That is promised. God's best.

God has been doing some intense overtime work in my control center. He has given me hope. He provides me with love and grace everyday. This pain, just a the passing of my best friend, is a pain that was in my heart. It affected my being. It will affect the way I walk through the rest of my life. But I will keep going. It is amazing. I am no longer defined by what I went through, Im defined by the God that carried me through it.


Now you.

We are all human and we will all experience some kind of pain. But in that pain there is a greatness that can be unlocked. Pain is a microphone. How will you respond to your pain? I will tell you that the pain will always remain. You eventually become use to it, like walking with a limp. It is that scar that defines you. I much rather walk to my grave with a limp and scars that define me and built me than walk there knowing I took the easy route and the safe route to which I have no limp, scars, bruises or cuts. You can use your limp to shine some light onto people. You can use the stuff the devil tried to kill you with to bring life to somebody else.

A Valley, is a plane ticket that takes you to go places you wouldn't get to any other way. Suffering and pain is not an obstacle to being used by God. It is an opportunity to be used like never before. I can tell you that with full confidence because I am living proof of it right now. My awareness became clear to callings I didn't think I would actually do. When I listened and followed, it was as if God's wind was at my back. Months later I have been put into position and I am doing what I love and always loved. I finally took my eyes of myself and the only other place they have gone are to the people I am called to reach. Take your eyes off yourself and see what you can do. Do not focus on what you don't have and focus on what you do have and what God can do with it. It is something that could change your life forever.

It's also better to win ugly, than loose pretty. The key is to just keep showing up. Its better to take three steps forward and two steps back. Then to keep taking steps back. Keep going. Keep fighting.
Stay anchored in your beliefs. An anchor is there to keep a ship from all of hell's big waves and storms. God will not let you sink. I promise. You just have to believe and have faith. Be anchored and trust in him and he will set you sail upon waters of endless opportunity and he will be there with you guiding you through those storms and through those valleys.

Also...Pray. Pray. Pray. You were created to breathe just as much as you were created to talk to God. Prayer is powerful! I preach prayer because I see the miracles God does everyday in my life. Prayer is not a specific language you have to speak in order for God to listen. Just talk to him. Go ahead do it right now.

I also want to share three things I worked at doing everyday that got me through that valley. It the darkest of days and at times that were the most difficult I did my best to incorporate these things in my life in order to make it through. Thank you Pastor Carl Lentz!

Staying active.
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give! I love that. The more you start giving to others the more you will keep moving forward. Two questions you can always ask yourself are: Who am I helping? Who am I serving? If you can't answer either one of those, make a change. Once you do and actively pursue helping and serving others...Your life will instantly change. Your valley will instantly be shorter and next thing you know You are looking above the grey clouds that cover the Valley from the mountain you were placed upon.

Staying connected.
The relationships you have will either make you or break you as you walk through your valley. In the beginning of my valley I stayed in my room tearing myself apart. All I thought about was me. What did I do wrong. Everything I could have done different. Every memory. Everything. My friends who called or I called helped pull me out of that. Talking to them, crying to them. You get a sense of connectivity and presences even when they are not in the room with you. You also see who truly loves you. I realized I needed to put myself and continue putting myself in position to be with people who would help me through my valley. I encourage you to put yourself in that position too. Go to church. Go take a class. Go join a life group. I even loved just walking on the beach being around people I did not know yet somehow a conversation started. Do what you can in order to have people help you get through that valley. EVEN ROCKY NEEDED APOLLO!

Staying focused. 
I've been using a hashtag lately of #alwaysonlyJesus. Because really, it's always, only Jesus. Be focused. Run in your lane. Refuse to take your eyes off the promises and greatness of God. Keep moving towards your goals and your dreams. This has been the most difficult thing for me to do. Even though I had hope, hurting with hope still hurts. It is easy to put your focus on the pain that is right in front of you. If you need to cry, just cry. If you need to scream, just scream. But come back to focus. Get up from the small trip up and keep moving forward. Know what you are going through is going to lead you to so many more great things. Life will get better and the pain will always be there but equip yourself to deal with it. Walk with it. I can't tell you enough the great things that are going to come from your pain and great ways God can use you. Don't complain about the pain, without the pain, we couldn't reach the fullness of our destinies. Difficulties are a part of life. Eventually the pain will pass and you will give birth to a new strength. STAY FOCUSED.


My recent Valley was the most difficult time I ever had to walk through. It really did effect my being, my health, my job, my life. It really did rip me apart and it still at times tries to take a jab at me. But it really did build me into a new man. Use what you go through to change your life for the better. Do not set up camp in your valley just keep going. Yes it hurts and yes I cried lots and yes you can cry too but keep failing forward. The progress you will look back at will give you an understanding of how amazingly difficult life is but give you a sense of accomplishment and self achievement. You made it through that time where it was difficult, dark, depressing and now your heart and mind have been sewn together with the stitches of Iron and now healed.


Im here for anyone. We are put on this earth for each other. We were not created to walk through life alone. My email is always open kyleheidt@gmail.com. My phone is always on. I love coffee so I am always up for coffee and conversation as well. Even if you just want to tell me to pray for you, I GOT YOU!

Much love. Thank you for reading.

I Was Born for This

To keep this short, and on to my next post. I have learned that no matter what, there is nothing in life that will bring satisfaction to oneself at the expense of hurting another. That is upon me and is my fault. I am shown God's grace everyday. I am shown God's love everyday. He does that for me no matter how un-perfect I am and the mistakes I continually make. I only want to work and continue to be a reflection of God's grace and His Love. I want to show God's grace. I want to show God's love.

Now,

"The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why,"- Mark Twain

I have came to the realization again... that I LOVE to write. I lost sight of what it brought me. I truly love to write. The same way I love to play basketball or snowboard. It allows me to step out of this world and spend time on myself and be myself. It is a passion that succeeds in growing. Each time I go through a time so great or go through a time so difficult, I find myself at my computer desk, putting on my writing music and pouring out my thoughts. It is a way to vent. It is a way to heal. It is a way to grow. It is a way to share joyful times and sad times. I am going to continue to write because it feels amazing. I have now made it one of my priorities to continue to spill out my thoughts from a cup into my ocean of life. The feedback I receive from so many people warms my heart and fills my soul up to levels near the heavens. It is an unexplainable joy I get that I am able to help someone from the simple letters I let flow onto a page.

If I could write and make a living by doing it for the rest of my life it would be as if I have never worked a day in my life. I have lived my life to the fullest each and every day. I encourage you to find what you love. What do you love to do? Do not let any body tell you anything different or try to question your dreams, beliefs, activities, jobs, or people you love, just do it. I seek and pray to understand my calling and the closest I get to that is sharing what I believe and writing it out for others to see. It is where I am able to just be me. I would love to be able to write and then speak in front of people. Bridge the gap between writing and public speaking but for now I see that writing is one of my callings to do because of the love I receive when I do it.

I love to encourage people. To have them feel loved. To have them feel motivated. To have them fill encouraged. To let them know they have a purpose, there is hope, and to push themselves to places they never thought they could reach and achieve. Whether they are having a tough time at their job, tough time with their significant other, tough times with family or just tough time in Life. I love to encourage people to move through it and continue to build up from their foundation and to continue to grow through life.

I love to serve people. I am here for a purpose. You are here for a purpose. I will serve my God and I will serve the people he brings into my life in any way I am called to do. I want to continue to learn to be a servant. Whether it is to a stranger, to my friends, to my future wife, to my parents or to myself. I want to be a leader of servanthood. Set the example and shine so bright that others want to be a part of that too!

I love to help people. Whether it is helping them move into their new home. Or it is sitting next to someone who is going through a difficult situation and standing by them in silence just to let them know that I am there. I am here for anyone. I ask God everyday to use me in ways to shine some light and faith onto someone. Sometimes he presents a difficult way that I can help someone and sometimes he presents an easy way to help someone.

I love to love. Now do not take that the wrong way. I believe our culture has this infatuation of the idea of love. I only try to be a reflection of the love that I am given. Love is all I encourage and share when people question my faith. I wear a cross around my neck because the cross is love. The cross is the bridge to true love. God is love. We go love people because God loves us not because we want God to love us. Take away the religious norms or the rules you believe are there and how religion is suppose to control your life. Ill tell you to throw that all out and understand that it is LOVE. There are many ways to love. You love your best friend, your spouse, your family, yourself but the main point is to share the message of love and give love because that it was is given to each and every single one of us everyday.

That is what I work to do everyday. Those are all pieces of my calling. Those are the actions I was born to carry out throughout my life. After this past month of difficulty and adversity, I have come to the conclusions that I will still encourage people. I will still serve people. I will still help people. I will still love people. I will still write. And that is that.

There are times when you feel your mind and your own self is scattered through out, maybe a feeling of being lost. There are different areas of your life that do not match up or you are trying to figure out how they match up. It is very difficult trying to understand them and to put them all together. You are trying to connect the dots and cannot figure out what and why things are going the way they are going. It is as if your life is this big white blank page with all these dots. Then you are trying to figure out how to connect them all to create this beautiful image. Except there are no instructions, numbers or letters that tell you the correct path to draw in order to achieve this beautiful image.

You cant connect the dots when you are looking forward. You cannot connect the dots when you are visioning your future. You cannot connect the dots when you are thinking about the destination. You can only connect them looking backwards. Understanding that there is a purpose for everything. After that journey you have grown through. After that pain you have felt. After taking that leap of faith and landing into something that was planned for you. So you have to trust and believe in your heart, your gut, yourself and most importantly God. Fight for the things you love and the dots will find themselves connecting. Believe the dots will connect down the road. It will give you the strength and confidence to follow your heart even when it seems when you are lost. Do not be so caught up in your grief that you lose sight of your dreams and what is out there.

Something hit me the other day that I want to share. The real challenge of growth whether it is mentally, emotionally or spiritually, comes when you get knocked down. Knocked down hard. Maybe even knocked out, but you are not dead. Your heart beats, you have people who love you, you have a significant purpose in life. You have an opportunity to change the way you live, the way you love, the way you act. I can guarantee that you DO have purpose and that you ARE loved. It takes a lot courage to start over again. But when you take that step, greatness is waiting for you. When things seem to be out of your control do not push at them, give them to God and he will take care of them for you. I promise he will take care of them. Do not let your feelings and emotions get the best of you. At the end of your feelings there is nothing. At the end of each principle is a promise.

When you are under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and into the world and it shows it's true colors. So do not try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work in you so you become mature and well developed. Leaving you not deficient or empty in any way. If there is an absence of adversity in my life or your own life there may be an absence of progress and growth as well. So when you do come across adversity use your faith. Lean on your faith and God more then ever and I can promise you that your faith and God will hold you up and shape you up into a person you never imagined you could be.


Carl Lentz, my new favorite pastor, is the pastor of Hillsong Church in New York City. For about the past week I have been listening to his sermons as much as I can. One or two a day at least. Taking notes, applying it to my life, sharing his messages in my writings and so forth. My writings are definitely reflected upon from his messages. They are so powerful and I highly suggest you watch and/or listen. No matter what you believe, his messages are filled with love, hope, compassion, passion and funny jokes as well. They are just messages to which you can reflect upon and use in your own life.


The trial you and I are going through is not even about ourselves or "I". Its able the people that need to walk through us in order to get through their next part of this journey. What I have been telling myself is that I want to be the best of the best, even when it seems as if Im going through the worst of the worst. You can do that too.  See it through. Tell yourself I was born for this. Most importantly, Do not give up!


Now with some final thoughts...

Like Mark Twain's quote above, the day you were born was number one of most important days in your life. Now number two is why? You were born for this life. You have the choice to do with it what you please. To act the way you want to act. To love the one who you want to love. To build a life you want to build. But God has something greater for you. Maybe your still searching for your calling. I know I am. What I need to do is think of what can I do with what I have right now? What do I have right now that will only better me in the future and lead me to my calling?

Looking at this past month I have grown beyond measures. From lowest of lows to climbing up to highest of highs, only to keep going up. Maybe before my life took a dive, I was depressed and grey. Which maybe played a factor to lead to me loosing something I truly loved in my life. Then to not being focused, to not looking to God. I don't know but all that has lead me to the position I am in right now. In this very moment. I still continue to pray for myself and others. I pray that I am able to continue to move forward. I pray for her and her happiness, although our paths have separated. I pray that God continues to work in both of our hearts individually. I pray and ask God to use me everyday. I pray for love, both the kinds I can give everyone and the kind of love I can give to someone special. I pray for anyone who is hurting to find comfort, who is lost to find clarity, who is broken to find the builder and I pray for You.

 The lesson I am learning is that I WAS BORN FOR THIS. I heard these word preached to me and I want to share them with you.

"I am not going to let this destroy me. I am coming back. This is what I stand for and this is what I believe. Im standing up for my dreams, my peace of mind, for the love I have to give. I will fight for the desires of my heart and I will seek God continually. I take full responsibility to take myself to where I want to go and where I want to be. It doesn't matter what happens to me along the way, what matters is what I can do about it." God is speaking to you, so just listen and have faith.

Apply that to you as well. I bet you will feel better after you read that to yourself!



As I try to write more and more I will continue to reach out and make myself available and be here for anyone who needs someone. Email me kyleheidt@gmail.com or message me on Facebook and I would love to chat. About anything! I am always up for lending a hand in need, whether you need a video, quote, conversation, meme, or just need someone to tell you that your loved and you have a purpose and you are not alone. Thank you for reading.