A Moment Away

It's Christmas Eve.

I woke up today and I am very grateful. I put my two feet on the ground. As I put down my right foot down I say, "Thank." As I put down my left foot down I say, "You."

I woke up in my bed, with covers, in an apartment, with a roof and heat. With a kitchen that has water and food. With a pot that makes coffee. With a table to eat at. With a speaker to play music. With books to read and eyes to read them. I can walk. I can hear. I am healthy. My heart beats. The sun rose today and God gave me another opportunity to live. Man--It is crazy, I can not put it into words, well I am trying, but I cant even begin to describe how I feel right now. SO I decided to write and ramble. Maybe you will feel what Im feeling and we can connect.

I am grateful enough to bring me to tears. Even after a mediocre gym session, I come home, sit and emotions take over. I instantly started thanking God and then my eyes started to sweat.

There is an overwhelming amount of people who are begging and praying to God to be in the position that I am in right now. I don't say or mean that in a Im better than anyone kind of way, I say that with conviction and humility. Why do I deserve this life? How can I be so selfish at times? What did I do in order to receive this kind of love? Its truly humbling when you actually think about everything you have. Even if you have the technology to read this you are still in the top percentile of the world population.

I am grateful and these emotions have gotten to me the past few days because it is almost a whole new year. And looking back a year ago today, who knew my life was a moment away from changing.

A year ago today, I was with my family. I was blessed enough to make it safely home as I drove through the Sierra Nevada mountains, in a Scion tC, with some chains, in a white out blizzard in order to make it to them. I love my family. I would do anything for them. Anything. It is hard to describe that type of love. If anyone of them needed a heart to live, I would give mine. It's not perfect but its real.

A year ago, I was a few days away from traveling half way around the world to a beautiful unfamiliar country. Never have I been that far away from home, yet I felt as if I was at home because of who I was traveling with. Also the excitement that filled me and the joy of knowing my eyes where going to be opened to a whole new part of the world and a whole new perspective to a way of life.

A year ago, I was about to wake up with my family on Christmas day. Which is a moment that lately, in recent years, I have not been able to experience. It is special anytime I am able to wake up in my parents house and share some coffee with my mom and dad. To wake my littlest, not so little now, 17 year old sister from her teenage sleep. And to lay with my dog, Kada, as she puts her arm around me while I lay next to her and rub her belly.

A year ago, I was at a point in my life where I felt that the next year of 2016 was going to be the best year of my life. So many opportunities, so much love, so much life to be lived, so much life that was about to be started.

A year ago and a few days added---December 31st.

I was standing on an island in the middle of the Gulf of Thailand with two people with whom I love and loved dearly. Our beach bungalow was behind us. In front of us the ocean. It seemed as if we had the beach to ourselves. My feet cuddled with the sand. I was wearing a ridiculous patterned Hawaiian shirt. Fireworks blasting and surrounding us around the bay. Light lanterns filled the sky and floated above us as they replicated the stars above us. I was standing in one of the happiest moments of my life. It's difficult to even write about it--- seriously difficult to go back to that time in my mind, but at that time and moment I was incredibly happy and in love with my life. That moment I knew a few things. I am incredibly loved. Two, I am incredibly in love. Three, through live's ups and downs there are moments that outshine the darkest of days and toughest of days that life throws at us.

There I was standing in that moment. That was a feeling that will never go away. A moment that will never go away.

A few minutes passed and then a new year started.

This year was the toughest year I have experienced. Yet it flew by.  Looking back at the last few days of the year in 2015 to now in 2016, my life was just a moment away from changing. Now thats all it feels like, a moment.

LIFE. It changes in an instant. It changes without any warning. It doesn't make an appointment for change and let you know. It just shows up and punches you. As if life is a group of strangers in the light or dark and they come and jump you and beat the absolute life out of you. Life is a moment away from changing who you are in order for you to become who you were called to be. Its not easy. Change is one of the things us as human avoid the most and usually at all cost. But once the change occurs and you embrace it and choose to grow, your life will become so much better. I promise I can tell you from experience.

Now, out of all the life changing events that have happened this past year from pain and heartbreak to joy and happiness, I would not trade what I have now with what I had then. As a believer, as a man, a lover, a son, a friend, as a brother. What God continually does with me and changing me has brought me so far along it would not be worth it to return to the old me. You shouldn't return to the old you. Rise up.

"I did not rise because I am strong. I rose because I have a purpose stronger than all of my weaknesses."

I was right about 2016---so much life to be started. A new life begun for me. A new chapter.
2017 I'm ready.

Season of Revival

Close your eyes.
Feel your heart beat an never ending drum.
Feel your lungs fill your body with air from the heavens.
Listen to the world as it plays a never ending concert to your ears.
Feel your presence. Focus on the presence inside of you.
Feel the love that plays melodies to your soul.
Take a moment to realize you are alive.
You are alive.

I am alive.

Finally, I feel it in my heart again that I am alive. Truly alive. Existing in the present. Enjoying the moment. Living by the second.

Sometimes I even lay in my bed, close my eyes, smile, put my hands on my heart, and just feel life beating throughout me. It is actually incredible to think an organ the size of my fist is my control center of life.

I traveled through a Valley in my life where life as I knew it completely changed. Now, I have come to understand that I have went through a REVIVAL.

It has been a process I have went through that has built me back up. Although I know I am not at a complete destination I want to reach, I understand it is a journey that I am on. Through this journey, I went through a defining moment to put me where I am at now.

What is REVIVAL? Ive heard you can't have a true revival unless something dies. Though I did not physically die, man did I feel like I did. My relationship was dead. My way of life felt dead. That question and feeling of I'm not going to make it through. Little did I know how dead I was before life changed. My thoughts finally shifted to how can I make it through this. Thats where revival began to take place in my life. It was time to embrace the pain of recovery and move forward out of that valley and onto the mountain!

It first started when I woke up that morning after I knew my life had changed and God was pulling me back to where I belonged. It was as if he pulled me by my feet off my bed and onto the ground. He picked me up, dressed me up, brushed my teeth, combed my hair and drove me to where I have been pushing away now for so long. Church. A place I grew up in, where I used to be rooted, where I used to love to be. Until my selfish ways took over. Now I was back at square one. That's where my revival begun. I found myself where I knew I should have been the whole time.

Through this revival a new me and a new life has been grown. But Revival is not just a rebuilding process or regrowing season. It is not just a personal renewal or reloading of life. It is not only a healing of wounds. It is not just coming out as this brand new person. I believe that Revival is also a season of reintroductions as well. A few reintroductions that I definitely needed.

First, going through revival, God reintroduced himself to me.
He was the one who used me in my brokenness and brought people into my life who I have been praying for. He took away what I thought I wanted and started giving me what I needed. He was the one who lead me to the right people and the right places. He was the one that woke me up and said "HELLO! Im here for you!" and he has provided more then I have ever known.

Second, going through revival, I was reintroduced to myself.
Never have I felt more lost in my life. I had no idea who I was. My identity was shattered. My confidence was shot. BUT GOD, in all my brokenness, in all my misery, in all my pain used me and fixed me and rebuilt me into a new man. Extreme soul searching was conducted. I mean extreme! I figured out my strengths, my personality type and spiritual gifts. I forgot I had this power in me. I understood my purpose. I am a product that will never be finished but will always be in the process of sharpening. My identity was there all along. I needed to meet myself. I knew who I was I just needed to find that out again.


This is a journey of my revival and how God reshaped me in order to help others and how we can make it through life together. Some of the greatest lessons in life come through the most challenging seasons. I figured if I was gonna go through all this pain, what in the world can I come out of it with? If I was going to suffer to the lengths I suffered, I might as well leave with something! This is what I left with...


A Revived Me

Through this revival I needed to walk down the path of self discovery. In order to make some massive changes in my life I needed to figure out more about myself.

I realized my first problem. I was so rooted into someone else that I had no roots in myself and mushroom roots into God. I needed to have oak tree roots in God and have my beliefs rooted in myself. I needed to belief in myself. How can I be rooted more in God and believe in myself? 

I did not have my own individual foundation. I did not understand my purpose. I had a foundation of a sand castle that kept being washed away when high tide came. I needed concrete poured into the solid earth and make my foundation. How can I pour this concrete to repave this new foundation in my life? What on Earth am I here for? What on Earth am I here to do?

I did not know who I truly was. I had been lying to myself about who I am since who knows when. I needed to search my self to the deepest places in my heart and soul and know my true identity. Self discovery was just a destination I never made it to.  How can I learn more about myself and reflect on who I know I really am? What has happened throughout my life that has lead me to this identity crisis right now?

I had limited beliefs that I had not broken through. I had walls that I had not broken down and built a prison around myself with my own hands. I had a heart that may have been good, but I had habits that were bad. I needed to be on a platform and not in a prison. I needed to know the truth about myself and eventually the truth would set me free. How can I break out from these walls and prison and onto a platform with unlimited potential and power? How can I soften my heart and break this bad habits?

Where did my self discovery begin? Where my comfort zone ended.

From day one till now as I write this blog I have spent many hours alone in my room. At first, it was torture. Instantly as life shifted, the feeling of being comfortable crumbled. The thought of who I would never be without anymore was all of a sudden gone. That made me very uncomfortable. My thoughts and plans for the future were burned. That left me very uneasy. I didn't like the uncertainty. The first person I wanted to call when something amazing was happening was no longer there. The first person I wanted to call if something difficult was happening was no longer there. I didn't even like my new job. I was very uncomfortable because I was only doing it to take up my time and not because I truly enjoyed it. All this being uncomfortable was just the beginning of self discovery. Until I made changes and embraced it.

Now, I have taken steps of faith and put my faith into action. Growing my roots back deep into God, with so much more to grow and go. I've reestablished my foundation in Christ and God and as an individual Christian man. I know who I am! I broke through those walls, I destroyed my prison. I absolutely demolished my limiting beliefs and know the power I have in me through God to reach each and every one of my goals and have this amazing life. I have a "Why" that wakes me up in the mornings now and gives me energy to go for the whole day and night. I have been conditioning myself to become the person I want to be and reach the levels of life I want to reach. It is being, before doing! This is my revival! I am comfortable with being uncomfortable. That is key! 

I found myself. I now understand that self discovery was not a place I needed to arrive at, but a journey that I will continually be going through. It is something I should be doing through my whole life. It never ends. The willingness to grow is a choice. I have to make in order to continue to reach my potential. At this moment, I am not going to be the same person five or ten years from now, let alone even tomorrow. I want to grow each day. I even have to wake up earlier in order to get more reading, writing and my new way of life in! What has happened IN me is so much greater then what has happened TO me. 

Lastly, I have been humbled. Greatly. This revived me or new me, is really not even about me. God wants to use me and work through me to reach more people. Although trying to comprehend all that he is doing and how he is doing it is a bit frustrating at times but thats where faith comes in. What He has been doing in my life is not to just protect me and give me peace and gift me with righteousness, happiness, and love, which he continually does. He wants me to be a carrier of his love, his good news, his wisdom, his grace, his forgiveness and his happiness to everyone in my world to the best of my ability. What I am apart of is SO much bigger than myself.

In the end, I know I'm not where I should be and I'm damn sure I'm not where I used to be and that progress is something worth being grateful for. I have a life I get to create. I have a purpose I get to fill. That gets me excited!

The world says, "If I see it, then I'll believe it."
I say, "If I believe it, then I will see it."



Enough about me, now you-


A Revived You

Maybe you just went through a tough season, maybe you are looking for a break through. Maybe you are just stuck at a point in your life where you do not know where life is taking you. A plateau. Maybe you don't believe what I believe, but I can tell you that God has got your back and he loves you. Your time is right now to make a decision to move forward into the life you want. Your destiny can and will be greater than your history.

There is only so much a blog post on the internet can do for you. With the knowledge you have, what kind of action can you take? I promise you everything you want in life and want to achieve in life is waiting for you to come and take it.

In reality, right now you are sitting in an outcome of your choices and your actions. Maybe a good situation, or maybe not? Maybe you are stuck so deep in your past that a revival is waiting to happen you just haven't shown up for the appointment yet. Thats exactly where the enemy or in my case, the devil, wants to keep us. The past. Im sure you have heard it before, you can not to anything about the past but everything about the future. "The past does not equal the future unless you live there."

There are things that are out side of your control. But you can not build a monument of it and dwell on it. Move forward. You have to deal with whatever has happened in your yesterday, today. If you don't, there will be no tomorrow. Or your past will come into the present and destroy your future. Deal with it now, feel it in your heart and let it go. Most people exist in today, but still live in yesterday and they never step into the tomorrow that God has for them. Step into the tomorrow that God has for you.

Start a revival right now. What in your life needs a revival? Are you like me and need a personal revival? Spiritual revival? Or do you need to bring back something you use to love and cherish? What in your life makes you come alive? What stirs your heart? Stop waiting for the things to be perfect or in order in your life and take that action right now. Stop waiting on a move of God because you ARE a move of God.

Your problems serve a purpose. It is difficult to grasp that especially when it is right in your face, I know. Understand that sometimes the most loving thing God can do is have you go through something difficult. Who he is creating in you is someone who will change the world. He will REVIVE you to become who you are supposed to become. Just go. There are times, many times, where we are guilty of viewing the challenges ahead of us in our future as the sunsets of life rather than looking at them as a sunrise of a bright new opportunity. Step into that opportunity, watch that sunrise.

If you are alone and feel more alone then ever, like I did, pray for people to come into your life that are there to encourage you and believe in you. You need those people and I promise they will come. They came for me. I know if God did that for me, he can do it for you. There are very few choices that are gonna impact the outcome of your life more than the people who you choose to do life with. If you don't know who, how or where to start, you can start with me, I believe in you. Even if I don't know you, I believe in you. I know the unfathomable power God has and what he can do for you. If you want to start somewhere, start with me. :) Hello! Lets start a conversation.

Most importantly,
Be yourself. Don't try to be somebody else. If your lost, come back and search for what is in your heart, in your heart, that is who you are. The devil can tie up your mind but he cant tie up your heart. No outside influence can tell you how you should be, when you know how you are. Your dreams are for you. If someone else thinks that your dreams are crazy or impossible, understand that your dreams are not theirs. Focus on your dreams and go for them. God made you for a purpose and he made you for a plan. There is nobody who can be you except you. Be 100% you and own it! Start your revival now!